


Pink

by AceMoppet



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Identify-Finding, Loop-Centric, Yuuko is a Good Mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 13:45:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceMoppet/pseuds/AceMoppet
Summary: Loop always dreams in pink. Pink like her favorite vest and scrunchie that she wears to show that it’s her, Loop, and not one of her sisters. Pink like the colors that paint the Hasetsu sky at dawn and dusk, a picture so pretty it has Loop itching to create one of her own. Pink like the roses her mama always loves to get from her papa, the two of them smiling and blushing like a shojo manga.Pink like the dress Lutz is wearing.Or, Loop has an identity crisis when her sisters start wearing pink.





	Pink

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! Ace here!
> 
> This was the fic I did for Primadonna Zine. Thank you to the mods for putting this wonderful project together; I'm very honored to have been a part of it. 
> 
> This is my first fic in the Yuri!!! On Ice fandom that doesn't involve one or both parts of the main couple at all! It was a lot of fun to write from Loop's perspective; I might do it again sometime.
> 
> For reference:  
> Loop is the one with the Pink Scrunchie  
> Lutz is the one with the Blue Scrunchie  
> Axel is the one with the Purple Scrunchie
> 
> Please leave a comment or a kudos if you liked it! Happy Reading!

Loop always dreams in pink. Pink like her favorite vest and scrunchie that she wears to show that it’s her, Loop, and not one of her sisters. Pink like the colors that paint the Hasetsu sky at dawn and dusk, a picture so pretty it has Loop itching to create one of her own. Pink like the roses her mama always loves to get from her papa, the two of them smiling and blushing like a shojo manga. 

 

Pink like the dress Lutz is wearing.

 

“Isn’t it pretty?” Lutz asks, twirling around like she’s a princess. Axel and Mama  _ ooh  _ and  _ aah  _ while Loop stands to the side, feeling something burning in her throat. “Grandma got it for me!”

 

“It’s very pretty dear!” Mama says, patting Lutz’s head gently.

 

“Yeah Lutz!” Axel says, nodding vigorously, “You look amazing!”

 

“But it’s pink!” The words fall out of Loop’s mouth before she can stop herself. She blushes, embarrassed, as everyone turns to her, confusion written all over their faces.

 

“Well, yeah,” Lutz says slowly, “But what’s wrong with that?”

 

_ Everything,  _ Loop wants to say,  _ everything is wrong with that. _ Instead she just mutters, “Nothing, you look pretty in it.”

 

Lutz smiles. “Thanks Loop!” Then she gasps. “I gotta show Papa!” And she runs down the hallway, Axel on her heels and Mama scolding them for running.

 

Loop sighs and goes back to her drawing, scribbling in a new dress for Lutz. She picks up the pink crayon, hesitates, then throws it back into the box and pulls out another one.

 

“Much better,” she says when she finally finishes her drawing. The picture is one of her best yet; Mama and Papa stand to the right underneath the sun, and she and her sisters are in the centers. She and Axel are in their vests while Lutz is in her new dress: a new _ blue  _ dress. And everything looks just as it should be.

 

_ Perfect, _ she thinks, running off to show Mama. 

 

“I love it!” Mama says, hands coming up to cup her cheeks. “It’s so pretty Loop! But why is Lutz’s dress blue?”

 

“Because Lutz is blue,” Loop states patiently. _ Sometimes Mama can be so dumb, _ she thinks,  _ but that’s ok, because she’s awesome. _

 

Mama laughs. “Okay sweetheart. Do you want to show this to your father?”

 

“Yes!” she says, clambering out of the room. She runs with the paper fluttering in her hand and Mama’s scolding in her ears, already forgetting about Lutz’s pink dress and the weird way it made her feel.

 

Later when she’s gone to bed, she remembers it.

 

_ It won’t happen again,  _ she thinks, hazy with sleep.  _ Pink’s my color, and Axel and Lutz don’t wear pink. _

 

With that thought, she drifts off to sleep, dreaming of twirling, pink dresses.

 

* * *

 

 

It happens again.

 

This time it’s Axel. They’re over at Yutopia, Mama and Papa having left Loop and her sisters with Grandma Katsuki to go do “adult things”. 

 

Loop loves Yutopia. She loves running down the halls, screaming as loud as they want to as long as they don’t bother people in the big room. She loves sneaking into the kitchen and sometimes get bites of Grandpa Katsuki’s cooking. She loves listening to Grandma Katsuki’s stories at night as she sits in her little rocking chair, fingers quickly flying over knitting needles that  _ clatter-clatter  _ pleasantly.

 

She especially loves the scarf that Grandma Katsuki is knitting right now, all soft and pink like a flower.

 

“Grandma Katsuki?” Lutz asks.

 

“Yes dear?”

 

“Who are you making that for?” Loop rolls her eyes.  _ Obviously,  _ it’s for Loop, she thinks. Doesn’t Lutz see that it’s pink?

 

“It’s for your sister,” - _ ha,  _ Loop thinks,  _ see?-  _ “-Axel.”

 

_ What? _

 

“Whaaaat?!” Axel squeals, bouncing with joy, “Really really really?”

 

Grandma Katsuki laughs. “Yes dear, it’s for you! I know you like purple, but the yarn store only had pink, so-”

 

“I love pink!” Axel says. “Pink is the best!”

 

_ Of course it’s the best,  _ Loop thinks, crossing her arms,  _ it’s  _ **_my_ ** _ color. _

 

“Well, I’m glad you like it,” Grandma Katsuki says, chuckling. Just then, Aunt Mari enters.

 

“Sorry for interrupting,” she says, “But Dad says it’s time for dinner.”

 

“Ah, thank you Mari,” Grandma Katsuki says. She gets up slowly, bones going  _ pop-pop-pop _ like fireworks as she stands up. “I must be getting really old!”

 

Axel and Lutz giggle. “You’re not old!” Axel insists.

 

“Yeah!” Lutz nods. “You’re  _ very _ young!”

 

In any other time, Loop would go and join them in complimenting Grandma Katsuki (who deserves  _ all  _ the compliments!!!), but she’s still reeling with shock and …   _ anger. _

 

She feels like there’s an angry black pit in her stomach, one that makes her want to cry, makes her want to scream,  _ it’s not fair! _

 

Lost in her thoughts, she doesn’t notice Aunt Mari coming up to her until she touches her shoulder. “Loop? Don’t you want to go to dinner?”

 

Loop jumps. The room’s empty.  _ Oh,  _ she thinks, feeling a bit empty herself,  _ they all left. _

 

“Loop?”

 

Loop looks up at Aunt Mari, who’s frowning at her in worry. “You okay Loop? You looked like you were spacing out there for a bit.”

 

“I’m fine Aunt Mari!” And she is. So what if Axel gets a  _ pink  _ scarf when  _ she  _ doesn’t? So what if pink is supposed to be  _ her  _ color and not Axel’s? She’s fine! It’s fine!

 

Aunt Mari looks at her for a few more seconds, making Loop want to squirm away, before nodding slowly. “Alright then. Let’s go to dinner.”

 

Loop jumps up and out the door, not noticing Mari’s concerned look as she follows after her.

 

* * *

 

 

The final straw happens when Papa comes home with a purple scrunchie.

 

“Here you go Loop!” he says, holding out a purple, sparkly scrunchie. Loop takes it and numbly watches as he smiles and says, “I saw it on the way home and thought it would look pretty on you!”

 

And Loop just looks at her father’s face and thinks,  _ but it’s not  _ **_pink_ ** _. _

 

And she starts to cry, because it’s  _ purple,  _ not  _ pink _ , not  _ Loop’s _ color. She cries because Papa is looking at her in fear and worry and confusion, saying her name over and over again in a soft, hushed voice.

 

“Loop? Loop what’s wrong sweetheart? Do you not like it?”

 

At that Loop just cries harder. Because she  _ does  _ like it because it’s pretty and Papa gave it to her, but she  _ shouldn’t  _ like it because it’s not  _ pink- _

 

“Takeshi? Is everything al-Loop! What’s wrong?”

 

_ Everything, everything,  _ **_everything-_ **

 

“Oh Loop,” her Mama sighs, sitting next to her and holding her close. “It’s ok, I’m here, Papa’s here, it’s ok.” She pets Loop’s hair, and after a moment, Loop starts to calm down enough to hear Mama and Papa talking.

 

“Y-Yuuko, I don’t know what-”

 

“I’ve got her Takeshi, you go make sure Axel and Lutz are ok, alright?”

 

“I will.” Even as she burrows her face into Mama’s neck, Loop still hears Papa walk away after gently patting her head.

 

For a while, no one says anything. Mama just rocks Loop back and forth like she used to do when Loop was a baby, and Loop clings to her, crying having finally stopped. It’s quiet, peaceful. And then Mama says,

 

“What’s wrong baby? What made you cry today?”

 

Loop starts tearing up again at the gentle patience in Mama’s tone. It’s soft, soothing, like the way Mama rubs her back with a comforting hand, and it makes Loop want to spill all the bad thoughts she’s had over the last month.

 

So she does. She tells Mama about the dress, about the scarf, about the scrunchie. She tells her about how Loop is  _ pink,  _ not Axel or Lutz, and about how she feels bad and lonely everytime she sees Axel or Lutz wearing pink.

“Pink is  _ my  _ color,” she sobs, “I don’t want them to have it!”

 

“Oh Loop,” Mama sighs, kissing her cheek, “you’re more than just pink.”

 

“W-what?”

 

Mama looks at her with a fond smile. “Come with me,” she says, getting up and holding out a hand for Loop. Loop takes it hesitantly, and Mama walks her over to the big mirror in the bathroom. And then she says,

 

“You have brown here.” She ruffles Loop’s hair teasingly, making Loop smile because it feels nice. 

 

“You have red here.” She pokes Loop’s cheek, lightly digging in her finger in a way that makes Loop smile wider because it’s absolutely ridiculous.

 

“You have purple here.” She brings up Loop’s hand to the mirror, showing off the big bruise she’d gotten trying to set up a camera at the rink yesterday. The memory makes Loop blush, but she giggles when Mama kisses it gently.

 

“It tickles!” she says, but she doesn’t pull her hand away.

 

“Sorry, sorry.” Mama doesn’t look sorry though. Mama doesn’t look a bit sorry.

 

Then Mama says, “Do you see Loop? You’re more than pink. How can you just be pink when you’re so colorful?”

 

And Loop looks in the mirror at her mother. Then she looks at herself.

 

“Oh,” she says, starting to see what Mama sees. Mama doesn’t lie to her, so that must mean Mama thinks she’s colorful.

 

“I’m not pink?” she asks, hand going out to reach hers in the mirror.

 

Mama smiles and kisses her head. “You can be whatever you want to be. Just like your sisters can be whatever they want to be. We love you no matter what color you are.”

 

Loop turns around and looks at Mama seriously. “Promise.”

 

Mama kneels down and ruffles her hair. “Promise.”

 

And Loop flings herself into Mama’s arms, feeling so full of light that she can only hug her Mama tighter and tighter.

 

In a moment, they’ll go out of the bathroom to meet with the rest of the family. Axel and Lutz will bounce around her with a new scheme, while Mama will go to a concerned-looking Papa and whisper that it’s ok. They’ll have a loud dinner, after which they’ll run around the house trying to upload Uncle Yuuri’s new routine to Instagram while Mama chases them. And then they’ll go to bed, and that night Loop will dream in browns and reds and purples and every color under the sun.

 

Until then, Loop and Mama rock back and forth in the bathroom, colorful even in the linoleum-tiled-white.


End file.
